A lonesome cowboy down the hall

A horizontal skeleton pondering my strength to run
from those I want
through chosen fronts
I mean to convey
like time snapped it’s fingers
in all of my heart only remnants remain
politeness & pride made different devices
I paid price to keep those I need from deep crisis
In my saddened face
or in a broken heart
alien Nate afar from but bro
just couldn’t relate… devastated
and in it I hated
but sadness in rain dropped sorrow
self told horoscopes in reverse way
its baring down on me in yesterdays tomorrows
I look at gray flecks of hair in a mirror
asking where are my friends?
I cant try to pretend
prophesier of tomorrow
cynical sorrow
whom amiss beginnings writes of ends
I miss my friends
I can’t remember why expendability from former love for me
I became that kind of guy
Unimportant to the importance in my life
Its brought about doubt in my ways
I’m not depressed realizing stress
that I’ve ran from those that I love from afar
without even telling them
I’ve been dying inside
I can’t seem to act out the beginning
of the end of the running and hide
I’m just looking back
When did my shell…harden?
My love is starving and to anyone that see’s this
I’m just sorry and I don’t know how to make it better
I’m not out of my optimistic
just in fractions and prisms
that light can imprison
refract not a memory
a dated decision
a single vision to close my love
To act or subtract all that I lack
engulfed in the flames of my sister burning down
I just can’t find pure peace
alone with grandpa watched final breath
held Lilly an hour no life
not air in her chest in my arms
pal bearer had to almost fall head first
been worse if I dropped her six feet of dirt
they don’t use the thing that lowers caskets
on the angel HE gave me
same dirt on my shirt that covered our baby
see me smile still it hurts
I don’t want pity but what could I do
move away and pretend that I’m happy to throw you away?
I admit, this shit got the best of me
I’m not strong I just cannot find a semblance
or even remembrance of where in the fuck I belong
I’m sorry
all I want is love
I think maybe I’ve become unable to give
what’s been taken
but I used to see eyes
love in those not mistaken ©